Have you ever found yourself getting all emotional and worked up in arguments while others are chilled? How do they always seem to get what they want while you explode in a rage and feel ashamed after?
The reason lies in the Emotional and Factual part of the mind which is taken from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy DBT, developed by Marsha M. Linehan.
When the rational part is used, you see things scholastically. You are a fact finder and have a record of all the events of the past. You can have power over people by recalling the way people acted to you. In arguments, rationales are rigid and cold and use sarcastic humour and make others feel nervous. Rationales might use things against you that you forgot about. In an argument rationale use judgement. It is where many relationships break down.
You, on the other hand, might be an emotional thinker. This approach bases decisions on feelings and acting spontaneously. Emotionals don’t think of the consequences, which lead to destruction. When faced with a crisis, the emotional response is triggered causing a person to lash out and shatter the relationship in the long-term. This is where you lose an argument. All the evidence gets pushed aside because the emotional thinker gets flooded by emotions and can’t think straight.
Everyone has these two parts, but some people function using one part of the mind more. It is so vital to use these two approaches conjointly to prosper. How do we create harmony when in conflict? Prosperous relationships have both approaches in the mind working in harmony. This makes up a wise mind. This Means the two parts act co-operantly.
How does the wise mind deal with confrontation? By listening and understanding the other person’s views by using empathy. Then expressing their views. Instead of lashing out when being ignored, the wise mind doesn’t argue with people who aren’t listening. It listens and observes them. Once they observe the other person, they will see what the other person’s true intentions are. The wise mind uses discernment and talks to those who are listening. They don’t throw flowers to pigs. There are many other similar videos here. You must read this