What is the Secret Behind Winning an Argument
December 23, 2020
Fine Or Fulfilled
January 4, 2021
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Our behaviour may have been learnt from our early childhood and this means we have no idea that we have been allowing others to control us, leading us to have been playing the role of the victim. We may be stuck in this role for all out adult life. But, when we decide to change our lifestyle and take responsibility for our life it becomes uncomfortable. We start to become self-conscious and notice that the patterns that we do are dysfunctional. But at the same time difficult to change. So, the first thing we must do is find the triggers and this is done by keeping a diary A diary is about the facts. It clarifies the events and patterns of behaviours and when they took place, but it excludes the intense emotions, and this minimises the chances of overreacting. So, changing the victim mindset becomes simpler. However, it is also important to keep track of your emotions because if you do not have emotions, you are like a machine: cold and without a soul. Emotions allow you to feel. They are indications that something is wrong. They also help you to feel how others feel. Therefore, you have the evidence and the emotions to deal with any issue. This is done by filling out the chart below. Then when faced with the facts in the diary, try to understand why the other person behaved in the way they did. A diary has these titles: Day / Time Incident/Trigger Beliefs Emotional Feeling Behaviour Consequence An example of how emotions are married with facts is as follows: Your partner doesn’t work and is spending your money on addictions. Still, he claims he can’t survive without you. You know he is confusing love with manipulation. Staying with this partner, who is manipulating you, will never bring you fulfilment. Even though in others’ eyes you seem to be fine, love dies! It takes courage to stand up to your abusers and say, “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!” You must do this, even if you’re scared your life will change. . Use both facts and emotions to deal with an issue. You start by keeping a diary of all the manipulating things he does. Then, when the time is right, you tell him that you empathise with him for a, b, c reasons, and then you go through the diary entries. Start by saying, “It must be hard to manage your drug intake. I felt the same when I drank alcohol (etc.).” Then you say, “I feel so proud that you… a) Got a degree b) Have the skills to work c) Have worked hard in the past but now I feel exhausted caring for my needs as well as yours. I need you to look after yourself. I know you have the skills and the ability to do so. I cannot give to you anymore. I feel tired because the relationship is one-sided, and I am turning bitter.” State what you want and what behaviours won’t be tolerated. This is the wise mind reacting with facts and emotions. We get out of our comfort and choose not to live in mediocracy. We step out of disrespectful relationships. #daretobegin#lifecoaching#stuck#fulfilment#empathy#facts#emotions#your needs You might like to see similar videos here


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