The first step to healing dependencies is becoming self-aware that you have a choice to be fragile or resilient.
In difficult situations acting a victim is the easiest path. Because you do not have to deal with responsibility. A victim can blame someone else for their misfortune. It’s human nature that everyone seeks the path to least resistance. Taking control of your life means issues reveal themselves. Issues like resentment and taking on emotional responsibilities.
A victim lives with guilt not only because they don’t take on responsibilities, but because, others take on their affairs.
When you stop being a victim it is a difficult time for you. You come up against years of negative energy and beliefs and the healing process is drawn-out. So, the victim accepts that some people are born with better genes, more prosperous, a better financial or genetic disposition and so on.
Leading to accepting their deal in life. A victim labels themselves as emotionally crippled. The brain does as it is told and tries to justify this negative self-talk. They hold emotional luggage which means they feel the world has abused them. Hence, it is natural for them to feel imprisoned. As they have managed to convince themselves that they are useless in all areas.
They want to change but this change feels terrifying. It is true that if they think they will fail, they do, a self-fulfilling prophecy.
However, if they were to just accept that their life needs improvement, they would find that it is only in certain areas they need addressing. Thus, if they accepted their limitations, they would see only a little healing that needs to be created to find peace.
I’m here to inform you though that you will find that failing is indeed where the gift is.
On the first attempt, you set a goal despite being inadequate. Even if you have no skills or knowledge behind you. This is where the failure occurs. But don’t beat yourself up! The first time you fall you have learned a lesson. You acquire more resources and a new perspective.
On the second attempt, the goal becomes more precise and you aim better. Even if you overshoot again, learning occurs, and you become a better version of yourself. Also, you have moved out of your comfort zone and you have not stuck anymore. The goal is achieved through trial and error. What counts is the number of times you stand up not the amount you fall.
It sounds strange that If you want to change, you must become humble and accept your shortcomings. Humility is not about rejecting your opinion but accepting that you don’t know enough. You accept that your life is going to remain miserable if you don’t change your way. So, when you are humble you don’t worry about the number of times you try to achieve, you just keep over or undershooting.
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