I have often wondered why some people get on with me and others don’t. I think I treat everyone the same but why is it that I find communication with some people challenging?
As we know communication is a give-and-take process. We reciprocally understand each other through verbal, non-verbal and written manners. Our behaviour with each other is intentional or unintentional. I feel I communicate with everyone in basically the same manner, so why then do I see, and people see me differently? The secret to communication follows.
I started with, really wanting to get the most out of my interactions with others. Then I identified my and other people’s style of communication. Only then could I form a more authentic connection with others, and only then could I have more rewarding relationships.
There are communication Secrets styles and one is not necessarily better than the other. They are the
Today I would like to describe each style giving you examples of each. I will also describe mine.
Firstly, the “direct communicator.” This style is goal orientated, determined, and competitive. They get things done quickly and decisively. They show confidence and are efficiently structured. They get to the point quickly by being precise and not over-explaining or repeating themselves and they want others to provide details only when asked.
Their negative aspects are, intolerant and demanding. Hence, they must allow others to share their opinions to encourage dialogue.
After that there is the initiator, they are sociable, enthusiastic, and persuasive. They easily communicate with others and are naturally spontaneous and likeable. They value relationships that praise and get approval. They also love to share stories and want to socialize before meetings and have a cozy bond with others, as it gives them time to express themselves. They don’t like to be intimidated.
However, others may see them as talking too much and not listening enough. They must allow others to share their thoughts.
Then there is the “supportive communicator.” They are the ones who are easy-going, accommodating, and compassionate. They are active listeners who anticipate the needs of others. They desire a quiet and calm environment. They love security and encouragement. They need time to express fears and to make decisions.
Yet others may see them as not able to change easily and be indecisive. They need to ask more about the details or information if needed.
Lastly, there is the “analytical style.” They are precise, cautious, and disciplined. They are orderly when solving problems. They are seen as diligent and showing perception. In their interactions, they work with facts and figures and present ideas in a methodical way. They question and need you to have patience so that they can process new information.
But others may see them as being compulsive. They would benefit from socialising more and seeing others as being understanding like them.
My main style of communication is supportive. I love security and encouragement. I need time to express fears and to make decisions. However, it is fundamental that I understand other styles, so we tolerate each other. For example, a direct communicator may see me as indecisive. By understanding my communication style, I am able to adapt my indecisiveness to be more direct and focused which is what the direct communicator values. This is especially important if you are in an intimate relationship with someone. The relationship will improve and be uplifting.
Additionally, you may have characteristics of other communication styles like with me I have both a supportive and initiating style. I love fun and sharing stories but sometimes get carried away. Therefore, as an initiator, it is vital to listen to others more and as a supportive communicator, I need to take the challenge and listen to others and ask them to give me details in their conversations with me. The direct communicator might get intolerant with me not being focused.
By understanding other styles of communication your relationships improve. For example, if my boss is a direct communicator, he may become intolerable with the things I do. So, I could learn the skills of being more focused. There are many other techniques on this topic on my website.
Communication is the most important part of our daily lives. We need each other to endure life’s struggles. Therefore, firstly find your style be it; the supportive whose easy-going, compassionate and an active listener, the initiator who is fun and shares stories, the direct communicator who is goal orientated, determined and competitive, and lastly the analytical who is the orderly when problem-solving. Your next step is to then try to understand the style of the other. It is then you can enjoy healthy and fulfilling interactions. However, please be aware that some people no matter what communication style they have they may be mean. You can see this in this video of mine.